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I have been looking deeper at my marriage lately and wondering… what can I do to make my marriage even better? How can I show up in such a way that allows the relationship to blossom in ways that I never could have imagined? I am aware enough at this point in the game to know that improving any situation in my life is up to me and me alone. I am the one who decides how deep my relationships, especially my marriage, can get. I can only control my own behavior and I am always holding the key in my pocket… whether or not I decide to use it. And I get really excited when I discover more ways to grow the relationship.
Now I am not saying my husband doesn’t have equal power….he does. But I don’t have control over his choices. Only mine. So here’s one of the things I find fascinating in the male/female relationship: even though I have known for a long time there is a drastic difference in how men and women think, my first inclination seems always to expect my husband to think like me. This is not fair at all. For one thing, the hormones that dominate how men and women...more
I recently had the opportunity to attend an Eckhart Tolle event in California with a good friend of mine. If you haven’t heard of him, he is a spiritual teacher born in Germany who experienced a spontaneous spiritual awakening that brought him out of a deep depression. He got to such a dark place in his mind that something snapped in his brain and he separated from his ego (the voice in the head). In an instant he went from being cornered by the voice in his head that was miserable and did not want to go on to being the observer of that voice. A much more peaceful place to be.
Since then he has written a number of books including two New York Times bestsellers “The Power of now” and “A New Earth”. The conference I attended included several amazing speakers from different professional backgrounds all speaking on “Presence”. Which is the exact topic of conversation for today’s episode!
I want to begin by giving you a taste of how sitting in the auditorium with Tolle felt. Because it was profound. I don’t know if you have ever been in the presence of an awakened...more
Many of the clients I work with come into coaching because they are struggling in their relationship or their marriage. And let’s face it, choosing to be in an intimate relationship with someone is signing up to be in the hot seat. You are choosing to live with a mirror that reflects where you still have to grow in your life. This can be intense.
Luckily it doesn’t start out that way or probably no one would ever sign up. Instead relationships begin with “the honeymoon phase” where your heart opens wide and all the good-feeling hormones are released. You are experiencing what love is. What expansion feels like. You open so much, you feel like anything is possible. Your new mate can do no wrong. You see them with love’s eyes. And love’s eyes don’t judge. Love’s eyes don’t see fault. What is happening here is that the other person is reflecting all the love inside of you and you are being filled up by it. Everything tastes good, smells good. You are more present and available. You actually hear the birds chirping and feel the breeze on your face. You have...more
One door closes another one opens
You may have noticed, if you have been listening to this podcast for awhile, that I tend to view life as a journey. I see everyone I meet and all my experiences as a part of my own unique curriculum. Looking at everything through the “Life is a Journey” lens gives me a sense of purpose, even if I don’t know where I am headed at that moment. And the truth is, none of us knows all the time where we are headed. But seeing life in this way I find it so much easier to keep moving forward, even when life gets tough. I like to think of it like I am the captain of my ship and it’s my job to show up and steer the ship no matter what. And the ocean is unpredictable, so you gotta take it as it comes. When a big storm comes along, you gotta roll with it. Resisting is futile. Cursing it only makes the whole experience harder for you. Same with life.
When life throws you an unexpected, unwanted, negative experience, it doesn’t help the situation to shake your fist in the air about it. Sure you can shake your fist. You can do whatever you want....more
How did I get here…Again?
Let’s talk about breaking bad habits or negative patterns. We all have them. Maybe it’s grabbing your phone to look at the news or facebook before you even get out of bed, when you really want to have a morning ritual. Or maybe it’s a more complicated pattern in your relationship where you are caught in a loop of not feeling appreciated and then you get more and more resentful which then just shuts your partner down because he feels attacked, when you really want to have a relationship of mutual appreciation and respect.
Whatever the habit might be, if the negative pattern is interfering with your ability to be happy then it’s time to address it. Because here is the deal: we are here in this life for a relatively short period of time and we are here to have an experience. So why not make it a positive experience? Are you with me? Now, I am not saying you should pretend everything is roses all the time. Nope. Real bad stuff happens in the world, and maybe even in your own home. That doesn’t mean you have to live or remain in that...more
Which do you choose
My regular readers know I reference “A Course in Miracles” quite a bit just as “the course”. There is a line in the course that says “your job isn’t to make your brother (or sister) wrong, but rather your job is to show them where he or she is getting it right”.
This is a big one for all of us to get right now on so many levels because when you hold to a belief that you are right and they are wrong, what are you doing at a fundamental level? You are building a wall, a separation. Whether you are discussing political issues or negotiating how your kid should be raised or any other issue, they all have the same fundamental risk of believing in a right and a wrong.
When you stand with conviction about how right you are, no matter how right you may be, you are not winning anyone over. Only in your wildest dreams will that person drop their own stance and say wow, you are so right! Think about how you feel when someone is trying to convince you of their point only by showing you how wrong you are. What’s your natural instinct? Unless you are...more
Keep on Going
In my last entry, “Wisdom”, we went over how to discern the difference between your inner wisdom and the fearful voice of the ego. We talked about the ego’s responsibility to keep you safe which it does by keeping you small, keeping you from doing anything that takes you out of your comfort zone, keeping you stuck in negative patterns that are safely familiar.
Choosing to allow your ego to drive your show is letting fear lead your life. And when you break this down to its most basic form, this choice doesn’t make sense. I hope you agree. Seriously, we need love more than ever and if fear is leading the show in your head, just think of the ripple effect.
This is why I am committed to this work, both for my own benefit and sharing it with you. When you choose to think with love instead of fear you are making an energetic shift that sends a ripple out into the world. You are changing the planet when you stop, take a breath and ask “what would love do here”.
When something negative happens to you and you choose to take a deep breath...more
Today I want to talk about how to know when to follow the direction your mind is leading you and when not to. Put another way, how to tell the difference between true wisdom and the fearful voice of the ego. This is a great question, because the ego can be really convincing. What it’s telling you can make perfect logical sense in the moment. But often, making a logical choice doesn’t necessarily move you toward the life that will bring you the most joy.
For instance, it could make logical sense to stay at a job that pays the bills and offers great health benefits for you and your family. But if that job is a grind you are dreading every day, then you are robbing yourself and your family from the joyful life you could be having if you decided to go after your dreams instead. Hold up – I am not suggesting you quit and just drop everything and run toward your dreams. Getting out of a grind is not that simple; we can talk more about that in another post (and we will!). But I am saying this: dreading your life is not living your life.
The most common regret...more
Last time, in the episode “money seeds” we talked about abundance and how your thoughts are one of the essential keys in creating the abundant life you want.
As I mentioned, the inspiration for this topic came directly from a survey I did recently to find out more about you and what gets in your way of living the life you want. One of the big answers was MONEY. By the way, if you had no idea this survey was happening, then you are probably not on my mailing list. So be sure to get yourself on that list by going to the contact page on my website https://thelifecoachingspot.com/
There are many directions we could take this topic that would help you get on the road to abundance and prosperity. I am actually in the process of creating a program that will include all the practices and mindset tools that I have accumulated over the years… but in the meantime, let’s get into it. Because I believe the more good people who have money in our culture, the better! Don’t you? And I think money has a bad rap.
If you are someone who judges people who have money,...more
Recently I put together a survey for my mailing list so I could to get to know you a little better – I want get a better sense of your personal goals and dreams. And I want to know more about what you believe gets in your way. One of the things that came up over and over again was money. Not having enough or fears around it.
I am excited to tackle this, because money was such a big block in my own life and not worrying about money all the time feels so freeing. The truth is, the money thing is much bigger than just money. We focus on the money, or lack thereof, when what we really want is an abundant life, which includes money, but is so much more than that!
So let’s talk about what it means to live an abundant life and how to get there, shall we? But before we can really get into this, we need a little contrast. Let’s first talk a little bit about what living an abundant life isn’t.
I believe I’ve shared before that I used to live in a constant state of fear and anxiety. If I haven’t, well, I there you go. I did. Only, I didn’t realize it. Because...more