Last time I talked a lot about the heroine’s journey and the necessary path to empowerment that requires recognizing where you are playing the victim in your life, so that you can transcend it. We play victim in many areas without even realizing it... more often than not, our reasons are justified. The truth is, women have darn good reason for feeling victimized and I don’t even think I need to go into all the levels of shame, blame, pain and abuse women have endured over the centuries. But claiming victim, regardless of the circumstances, is the opposite of empowering.
For many years, from necessity, women have found many ways to adapt and survive within the patriarchy. One of those ways has been to play down our power (appearing weak) so we don’t come across as intimidating... or god forbid, strong willed. But another way strong women have survived in a world where more feminine traits are viewed as less than, is to embrace our masculine traits and deny our feminine altogether.
In the last few years I came to realize that’s exactly what I did. I sacrificed my femininity in order to survive. I picked myself up by my bootstraps to raise my kid and build my business. I didn’t even know what being feminine meant. Sadly, I thought it meant being pretty, delicate and weak, even to lay around and be dependent on a man.
But I was far too busy making my way to lay around and be feminine. And I was making my way by being more masculine, having tough skin and not exposing myself to vulnerability.
Turns out, the Feminine is much more powerful and important than I ever knew. And I believe the world is only just beginning to wake up to this as well.
Let me back up and get a bit more personal (time to put those headphones on!) ... at the end of 2018 I participated in a sacred medicine ceremony. My intention for that week-long retreat was to discover what was keeping me from opening up intimately with my husband, whom I love and adore with all my heart. Why was I avoiding sex? I mean, I had certainly been sexual in past relationships, so it didn’t make sense. Why was I avoiding it in my relationship with the man I deeply love?
I learned that I hadn’t truly allowed myself the level of vulnerability that intimacy requires. You can have sex without being intimate, just like you can be intimate without having sex.
And so there I was, in love with someone who truly loved me for me... and finally safe to fully open up, I just couldn’t do it. Because I’d spent years making my way on my own and putting up walls of protection to keep me from getting exposed or the possibility of getting hurt. I couldn’t open up, because I was numb.
The medicine journey showed me exactly why I had built those walls. I was shown things from my own life that were not easy to look at. And beyond my own life to what generations of women in my family have endured and repressed for centuries. Because that is what the medicine does, it gives you the whole truth if you ask for it … and I was asking for it, so I saw it.
I was also shown the door to the most sacred area of my body that is the home of my femininity, my womb and my female sex organs. I found that door bolted shut. And now I understood why and how I myself had built the walls and bolted shut the door.
All of this came as such a surprise at the time. Looking back now, it’s so obvious! But I was just so disconnected, I couldn’t see it.
You may be listening to this thinking, what on earth is she talking about? Well I am trying to tell you about a powerful awakening I experienced that has been hiding inside of me for my entire life. The awakening of my own femininity. Which I have come to know as the sacred feminine or the Divine Feminine.
After that powerful experience, I knew I needed to do whatever I could to reconnect and reawaken these parts of me that I had been ignoring because I was distracted by other aspects of my life. And even though I had no idea where to begin, I could feel how incredibly important it was and still is.
So that’s what I have been up to, awakening my Divine Feminine and guiding other women like me to do the same. It’s completely amazing to be making these discoveries in my 50’s! It’s downright miraculous! I feel more alive now than I have ever felt in my life!
This has been the most incredible journey I have ever been on! I used to think all growth had to be hard and painful. And I did my share of that work. Now I see there is another teacher with an entirely different strategy. The way of the feminine. It’s gentle and soft. It’s joyful and emotional too, but always returns to a place of openness and love. No wonder I didn’t have access to this discovery before! I was far too busy trying to get 10,000 things done, and get it perfect, to please everyone else, to earn my worthiness to belong, to earn being loved. I didn’t have the openness to hear the call of the feminine. A call that was letting me know I was born worthy, that I am safe and loved and everything I need lives inside of me.
The path of awakening to my femininity has opened me up to more goodness than I ever thought possible, not only in my relationship with my husband, but most importantly, my relationship with myself! This has affected everything else in my life. I’ve always heard that the feminine is deeply mysterious and I have always been confused by this. What does that even mean? The deeper I go, the more amazed I am by the feminine mystery and her vastly abundant nature being revealed inside of me. I’m amazed something so wonderful and so expansive could be hiding inside of my own body for half a century!
How did it take me so long to get here? Simply because I just didn’t know about it. Coming to know the feminine is not something you learn through books or even hearing about it like this right now. No. You find the feminine through embodiment. I offer these practices to my 1x1 clients and I am resolved to share more and more with you here. But today, I just wanted to tell a little about my own experience so that there is some groundwork laid for what is coming.
For today, I will leave you with a simple practice for feeling into your own feminine nature. Find a place where you can have some privacy, maybe your bedroom or perhaps your bathroom. Find a time when you won’t be interrupted by kids or partners. You are going to need to gather some props to activate as many of your senses as possible. Perhaps prepare a tray of tasty fruit or chocolate. Get out your favorite essential oils or perfume. Turn on some soothing music. Dress yourself in something that feels soft and soothing on your skin, maybe silk or soft cotton, or if you are really feeling free, just be naked. Gather up as many candles as you can find and place them around our space. Turn off the lights and light your candles. Close your eyes until you feel your body begin to respond to the music. And when it does, just follow along. Allow yourself to get taken into the experience. And say hello to your feminine.