The Real Secret

I am going to share with you some exciting work I have been doing with my coaching clients using hypnotherapy. This profound work is blowing my mind as I am seeing the life-changing shifts in my clients in a short amount of time. Now, it’s true that my coaching clients are primarily women, but for the guys out there, I want you to know that I do offer my hypnosis work to both men and women.

My friend, this truly is the real secret to the best life ever. When I tell you what it is, don’t let your ego hang up the phone because your ego wants nothing to do with this. It’s not something you haven’t heard before. In fact, it is the undertone of my whole message. You are probably hearing it more and more in social media and out in the world, in your yoga and fitness classes, etc. This is because it’s what the world needs now more than ever.

This secret is self-love and it is the KEY TO EVERYTHING you want for your life, I promise you. Even if you don’t know what you want, you want self-love. If you don’t love yourself, your life will be hard. Period.

How well you can love yourself affects how you show up in every area of your life. It becomes the lens through which you perceive everything. It also affects how everyone else sees you and responds to you. It affects your work and your relationships, not just your intimate ones, but all of them. It affects your quality of life. How well you love yourself affects every single thing you do. Most importantly, it affects how you treat yourself, inside and out.

You may be thinking, I love myself alright. How about when things go badly, do you love yourself then? What about when you are grumpy? What about when you don’t get it right? When someone criticizes your work? When you fall flat on your face?

I know I have mentioned before that I spent much of my adult life not loving myself, criticizing and beating myself up for every little thing. My life was hard. Everything about it was hard. It was a struggle. I was perpetually frustrated when things didn’t go perfectly and I judged myself harshly. I was certainly an extreme case, but in all my years working in the healing field, I know this is not uncommon. This is especially true for women, because we are brought up in a patriarchy that doesn’t honor women. Society doesn’t offer us a message that we are beautiful and perfect no matter what. We have been shamed on many levels. That’s just the truth and it has been that way for thousands of years. We innately believe on some level that we are not worthy, that we have to prove our worth. So right out of the gate we are given the idea that we have to somehow earn our right to be loved. Unless you were given the gift of a parent who was awake enough to overwrite that messaging, letting you know every single day, in all the ways, through words and actions, that you are so worthy of love, then you need this. It’s the magical elixir of life. It’s the real secret to happiness.

Self-love, and I mean true unconditional self-love, is no easy feat. It sounds basic, and it really is, but it requires vigilance. It must be practiced on a daily basis for the rest of your life, or you will default to your ego, which a Course in Miracles describes as, “suspicious at best, and vicious at worst.” Your ego is not here to love you. It is here to protect you. It operates out of fear. Period. Your ego does not know what love is, so if you default to your ego (which most of us do, until we realize), you will inevitably beat yourself up with self-judgement and if you're not beating yourself up, you will be beating everyone else up in your mind or out loud. It doesn’t actually matter if you’re being quiet about your judgement, we can all feel it and it will affect how the world treats you.

When you are loving, inside and out, you will receive love. When you are judging, you will receive judgement. You get back what you put out, it’s absolutely true! The only way to become authentically loving, through and through, is to love yourself.

If you are like most of us, you have developed a hard-wired habit of self-judgement. It really makes no difference energetically whether you are pointing the finger of judgement outside or inside, it is the exact same thing (because however you are treating everyone else, you are treating yourself). It can all be referred to as self-judgment and you cannot be in judgement and in love at the same time. You are either one or the other. Judgement is fear based and love is love based. Fear and love are on opposite ends of the spectrum and do not intermingle. Fear is a contraction and love is an expansion. If you want to hear more about this difference, please go back and listen to my podcast called “Wisdom” where I spell it all out.

If you are in the habit of judgement, then you know what you have to do, break the habit. One of the best ways to break a bad habit is to replace it with another habit. The goal here is to replace judgement with self-love. It’s not going to be easy at first. Just like going to the gym isn’t easy after years and years of sitting on the couch eating bon bons, but you do it because your doc tells you if you do not, your health will take a turn for the worst.

I am saying a similar thing. If you don’t get serious about self-love, I hate to tell you, but your life will not go well. Everything about your life will be harder and get harder. Judgement, resentment and disdain only lead to a hard life. It’s obviously not going to lead you to joy. You know this.

When you decide to love and accept all parts of yourself, there is a level of confidence you exude that no one can tear down. Because at that point, you are claiming your worth, regardless of what anyone else says or thinks. It’s like having an internal support system saying, “You’re okay, baby. I got you, girl. And I love every bit of you.” How good is that? I am telling you now, it’s the best. At that point, your happiness is sourced from within. You are not looking outside for validation (because that is not where validation comes from). You are no longer looking for love in all the wrong places because you have discovered the secret: that all the love you could ever need is inside of you, and the more you are in touch with it on the inside, the more it shows up on the outside in your everyday life.

You become a magnet for love. As Wayne Dyer said it, “you don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are.” It’s the law of attraction.

Are you with me? I know you want this and I want this for you. I am going to offer you a practice that I would like for you to commit to for 3 months. Yes, 3 months (that is the time it takes to build the neural pathways you will need to replace the old ones that are not serving you).

I may have told you about this practice before, but now I simply need you to do it. Promise me, you will do this. Trust me, the world needs you to do this. When you love yourself, you are planting a seed of love on the planet. You are taking the first step toward shining the light you came here to shine. Everything you do needs your light shining in it for it to make any difference. The world needs you to freaking love yourself so stop holding out on us and get on with it already! Seriously.

Here is what you will need to do. Every single morning, as you are brushing your teeth or putting on your make-up, I want you to look into your own eyes and say to yourself, I love you, and then state your name. So I would say, “I love you, Cathy.” Now, this will be awkward at first. Yes, it will, but after awhile it will become easier and eventually you will start to mean it. And after that, your heart will begin to open in ways that you have never experienced before, but you have to stick with it. This is just a starting point, because like I said before, self-love is the basis for everything. When you can love yourself, you can love everyone else, but not until then. You cannot give what you do not have. The only kind of love that can come from someone without self-love is limited, which is not love. The nature of love is limitless, it’s unconditional, it is expansive. In fact, some have referred to God as Love. And I am one of those people.

Now, if you find this practice is excruciating or you just can’t seem to break through to the good stuff, it could be for you, like it was the case for me, that you had some experiences that caused you to believe some negative things about yourself. Maybe your circumstances as a child were less than ideal so you received early programming that has inevitably been keeping you from self-love.

Studies show that children below the age of 8 years old have already made up stories about themselves and the world before they have a fully developed prefrontal cortex. A young child that has an unpleasant experience will draw an irrational conclusion about themselves, and if that event was profound enough, it will get hardwired in the brain becoming subconscious programming that affects how they think and feel from that point on.

I base my hypnotherapy work on Joe Dispenza’s research with neuroscientists and quantum physicists. It’s fascinating stuff. Their research shows that over time, your body becomes literally addicted to the hormone cocktail that is produced as a result of feeling and thinking. Over time your brain becomes hardwired to think and feel a certain way, automatically.

So let's say you have a habit of feeling negative about yourself, and you decide you would like to change your life and start to think and feel more positively. Well, your mind and body will inevitably work 24/7 on a subconscious level to sabotage your efforts because you are now addicted to that hormone cocktail that is released when you feel bad.

That is why habits are hard to break and it usually takes something catastrophic like a life-threatening diagnosis to shake you up enough to go against your subconscious programming.

Maybe you tell yourself in the morning that you are not going to eat the cake today, but then 3pm rolls around and you get the craving and there you are at the fridge reaching for the cake. And before you know it, you have eaten the whole cake and now you are beating yourself up for doing it. Then, the depression you feel causes your body to secrete that hormone cocktail again which was your body’s goal when it subconsciously sent you to the fridge to eat the cake.

Your brain is hardwired for the habit, and your brain and body are working together on a subconscious level to keep the habit going. I can go on and on about this because I am so excited about this work, but I will leave it there for now.

If you want to learn more about my work with hypnotherapy, as a way of reprogramming your mind to work for you instead of against you, please sign up for a free clarity call on my website.

I’d love to talk with you more about the breakthroughs I have had with clients and how I may be able to help you. Or if you have a friend or loved one who you think could benefit, please share this post with them.

And next time, we are going to go even deeper into how to love every bit of who you are. Until then…

Blessed Be