I have an incredible tool that I am so excited to share with you! It’s called The Yes Move, one of the tools I learned from Mama Gena in her mastery course.
This tool is based on the idea that in order to feel empowered in your life, you have to be able to accept “what is” first. Now, before you start arguing and running through all the situations that are absolutely unacceptable, let me finish. I am not saying you have to condone or approve of what is happening, I am just suggesting that if you can move into acceptance for whatever is happening, it’s going to be a whole lot easier to get through to the other side of it. The alternative is to resist or deny reality which only leaves you in a pickle. Whatever you deny or pretend is not happening will keep getting bigger until you deal with it. Whatever you resist persists, so it’s either going to escalate right now or you will be destined to repeat the whole situation over and over again.
Byron Katie says arguing with reality is insanity and she is right. You are not only wasting your time arguing about what is, often you are making the whole situation worse for yourself. When you are in a state of acceptance for what is, it’s so much easier to figure out what needs to happen next.
I remember my first date. We were going out to my favorite restaurant at the time and when we got there, my date opened up his car door and the door fell off the hinges, right there in the parking lot. It was definitely not ideal and I could see how this could be quite upsetting when he was trying to be cool and make a good impression. He got so angry about it. He stormed around hollering and kicking the car. He worked himself into a tizzy and I was so uncomfortable. Finally, he calmed down enough that we could call his dad who brought us another car and we went on with our date which was basically ruined because he was in such a bad mood about what had happened. That was our last date. If he just been able to laugh about it, we could have gone on to enjoy our date and our meal.
Now this is the kind of behavior you might expect from a teenage boy, and yet, I bet you can think of a time or two when things didn’t go the way you wanted and instead of going with the flow, you ended up getting mad at the situation or someone who wasn’t behaving the way you expected them to. I know I have.
The point here is that when you are able to move into acceptance for what is, you are much better equipped to do the next right thing.
Sometimes, there are situations in your life that keep repeating themselves and you really wish they would just quit already, but it keeps happening and you feel helpless! Maybe you have a kid who is always acting out in a way that drives you crazy, but getting mad really only makes it worse. Depending on the kid, it might even make them do it all the more. After all, they are getting your attention. Or maybe the kid keeps doing it because they want to know you love them no matter what. In my experience, the more you resist or try to control it, it only escalates the situation. Now think about what might happen if you were to stop resisting and just decide to accept and love your kid, bad behavior and all (again, I am not saying you condone it). You may still need to redirect the behavior, but can you see how letting go of your resistance might create some space to breathe in this situation? I can visualize this particular struggle as a bit of a tug of war. If you let go of your end of the rope, the game is over.
When you release your need to control the situation or release your emotional charge around it, it’s so much easier to approach the whole thing with grace. It allows you to make room in your heart for this too. Instead of fighting it, there becomes more space for something new to arise at the scene. It opens the door for another possibility. This would be what the course defines as a Miracle.
When you resist your reality, you are creating a tight knot where there is no wiggle room and most likely, it won’t end well and you will probably be revisiting this behavior again in the near future.
Consider your partner or spouse. If you are wishing they were some other way than they are, whether you say it out loud or not, they can feel it. This makes them feel rejected by you and maybe they keep repeating a behavior to spite you. Maybe your judgement is only validating the negative feelings they already have about themselves so they keep acting out. Your resistance to the behavior is actually playing a big part in recreating the behavior.
This is why I would encourage you to move into the acceptance of what is, especially if you want to move past it. Like most things that are life-changing, this can feel counterintuitive at first especially when things are really not going well. I could make a long list of situations where you might say, oh hell no, I cannot accept that. I am sure you can think of several yourself, maybe even in your immediate circumstances. I promise you, even that one thing that seems impossible to accept is the one you need to accept, because that’s the one standing in the way of your joy right now! The more you are resisting it, the more painful your experience will continue to be.
Maybe that guy you are dealing with right now IS a jerk who is trying to take advantage of you. Don’t waste another minute of your time fighting them wondering how they could act that way, or trying to get them to behave some other way. Don’t believe for a second that there must be something wrong with you for them to treat you so terribly. Just accept that THIS is how they are showing up right now and all you can control is yourself. Then turn your focus and attention in the direction of what you want. When you get on board with whatever is happening in your life and meet it right where it is (even if it is inconvenient), you are able to take control of your life instead of being a victim of it.
Are you beginning to see why it is so important that you accept what IS before you can move beyond it? If you are resisting it, you are creating a boomerang effect. The law of attraction states that whatever you focus on has the tendency to grow. If you are resisting it, you are tethering yourself to it and making it bigger. When you accept it, you tend to move your attention and focus toward something else. You release your attention when you stop giving it your energy and your power. You take your power back when you decide to put your focus on what you actually do want more of in your life.
So all that buildup is to introduce you to the wonderful tool of Yessing it! It’s pretty simple, really. All you have to do is wrap your mind around the thing that you are struggling with and jump up and down hollering YES, over and over again with a big smile on your face like you just won the lottery! I highly recommend doing this with someone else who will jump up and down with you! I also recommend listening to empowering music and even jumping on a trampoline if there is one available (not needed, but it does add to the experience). So there it is, my friend! If there is something happening in your experience that is keeping you from your joy, accept it for what it is. YES it!