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I have to say something about the movement for equality in our country. I am feeling hope that we’re waking up. This is really a message for my white community.
We’re living in unprecedented times and this virus that’s driven us into quarantine has created a pressure cooker that’s bringing all our unhealed wounds to the surface. Racism is an issue that we have been sweeping under the carpet as a society for years, decades, centuries. We haven’t been looking at it so it’s getting louder. It won’t be ignored until we heal it. This is a cry for love. Blaming and shaming ourselves and each other are not going to get us any closer to peace. The radical aim that I want to offer you here is compassion. Now hear me out because I’m certainly not suggesting a spiritual bypass here. Far from it. I understand that compassion isn’t necessarily the popular choice for most people right now, but I do believe it is the quickest and healthiest path to peace. Compassion comes from taking 100% responsibility for what is going on. This is actually true for anything that comes up in your life....more
Last time we talked about making room for thriving by releasing resentments that keep you cut off from the truth of who you are. It’s absolutely essential to release whatever you are holding onto that’s blocking any possible goodness that could be coming into your life, right? If you are still here, I think you are with me on this. I want to acknowledge that letting go of resentments is no small thing. We all have our reasons for holding on. The question becomes, is it worth the price? If you haven’t had a chance to listen to my podcast, “Making room to thrive”, I encourage you to take your time with that one and scan the landscape of your life to see if there are any areas where you are withholding forgiveness. Maybe it’s your past, how your parents weren’t able to provide for you in the way you needed them to. Maybe someone did you wrong or hurt you in some way. Maybe someone still owes you money and it’s not looking like you will ever get it back. The key to your own freedom is forgiveness. Really take your time on this one, because it’s huge and it is essential if you want to...more
Last week, I brought up the importance of clearing out what you don’t want, to make room for what you do want. I want to make the clarification that the point is not actually about s of anything, it’s more like transforming it in a way that might serve you better.
We talked about how to work with triggers, which are really just signposts pointing out where you are stuck. The invitation when someone pushes your buttons is to get curious about what it is in you that is having such a strong reaction.
Today, I want to talk about one of the most important things to address inside your metaphorical closet, resentment. Holding onto resentment is like carrying around a giant bag of rocks on your shoulders. It takes a lot of energy and you are not going to be in a very good mood about it. Most importantly, resentment blocks your ability to thrive. Period. Even if it’s a subtle resentment that you keep hidden. Hiding it doesn’t keep it from hurting you. As long as you’re holding onto resentments on any level whatsoever, it is keeping you from thriving. Why? Because...more
This feels like a good time to chime back in. How have you been doing through all of this? There seems to be a wide range of responses to this question, depending upon how directly your life has been impacted. Personally, I had to shut down Austin Ashiatsu which definitely gave me a bit of anxiety in the beginning. Partly because my decision wasn’t just affecting me, it was affecting my entire staff, but when I got out of my head and listened to my heart, there was no question. Looking around now, it was clearly the right choice.
As I reflect on this past year, it has undoubtedly been a pivotal time for me. I honestly feel like I have been in a pressure cooker of personal growth and I have been delivered to the other side (still working out how to use my new legs).
As you probably know by now, I have been a seeker of the truth for most of my adult life, mostly approaching it from a state of curiosity. Then in 2013, I got slammed head first in the mud, having to face the scariest thing I could ever imagine a parent to have to face. In the blink of an eye, I felt...more
By the time you hear this, I will be on my way to Sacred Valley, Peru for another vision quest. I want to tell you that I have been feeling myself breaking open in new ways to prepare myself for this sacred journey. One of the things I have been struggling the most with over the past 12 months is letting go of the story I have been carrying about my past, about my childhood. To be totally transparent with you, and as much as I hate to admit it, it’s a victim story. The vision I had last October during my journey in Mexico showed me the heaviness I was carrying about my own upbringing and not just my own, but my parents and their parents before them. Deep stuff. I have spent this year coming to terms with it all and working hard to release it so I can be fully free to step into what is next. The past has been weighing on me and with all the spiritual and emotional growth I have done, with all the tools and techniques I have been trained in over the past 25 years, thousands of hours of meditation, the past has had a hold on me.
Then yesterday, I had a huge breakthrough and it...more
I shared with you in my last post how I have been in a constant growth phase since October of last year, when I went on a vision quest in Sayulita, Mexico. I realized that I can’t wait until I am completely on the other side of this expansion, because there is no end point. As it should be, right? So here we are in real time. I want to share with you something that I did something that my heart was moved to do. Trust me, my ego was doing everything it could to convince me to stop, but I chose to follow my heart and post a facebook live confessing my unconditional love to you. If you missed it, I am telling you about it right now.
Now, I have not been someone to just put myself out there like that unedited. On video? Live? No way! I remember my friend Katrina suggesting I record these podcasts on YouTube. My natural response was NO WAY! It was scary enough to have my voice out there, but video? There is no way to hide!
And this thing last week was LIVE video, raw, unfiltered, authentic, pure.
With the knowingness that whomever needs to hear it, will hear it. So...more
Hello, friend. I have to tell you that ever since I went on that vision quest last October, I have been on a transformational journey that doesn’t seem like it is slowing down anytime soon. October is coming up and I will be headed off for another vision quest, this time in Peru.
I keep thinking I will tell you more about the process just as soon as it slows down, but that is just not happening. So I am just going to invite you on the ride in real time. It’s probably way more valuable this way. I know it’s more authentic and raw, that’s for sure.
Here’s the thing I am finding out about transformational growth, it’s uncomfortable and it’s also not always pretty. In fact, it can be quite messy. You have to basically undo who you have been in order to step into who you are becoming and that is not easy. You are already in the habit of your old self, it’s what you know, it’s comfortable.
If you want to expand and grow though, you have to be willing to let go of your old patterns of thinking and feeling. According to one of my favorite teachers right now, Joe...more
I am going to share with you some exciting work I have been doing with my coaching clients using hypnotherapy. This profound work is blowing my mind as I am seeing the life-changing shifts in my clients in a short amount of time. Now, it’s true that my coaching clients are primarily women, but for the guys out there, I want you to know that I do offer my hypnosis work to both men and women.
My friend, this truly is the real secret to the best life ever. When I tell you what it is, don’t let your ego hang up the phone because your ego wants nothing to do with this. It’s not something you haven’t heard before. In fact, it is the undertone of my whole message. You are probably hearing it more and more in social media and out in the world, in your yoga and fitness classes, etc. This is because it’s what the world needs now more than ever.
This secret is self-love and it is the KEY TO EVERYTHING you want for your life, I promise you. Even if you don’t know what you want, you want self-love. If you don’t love yourself, your life will be hard....more
Do you allow yourself to play? Everyday? When did life become so serious that it was stripped of all the fun? Well I will tell you because I know this well; it’s when you stopped playing. Life can only be as delightful as you make it because it’s your attention that adds the sparkle.
I don’t know about you, but most women have been programmed to complain, even if we don’t know we are doing it. Without realizing it, we tend to find what is wrong with ourselves and our world instead of looking at what is right. When you are looking for what is wrong or not quite right, you will find more of what is wrong or not quite right. Because you always find what you are looking for, why not start looking for delight? How can you bring magic into this day that seems from the outset to look like every other day of the week?
There are those who save the spark for vacation, could this be you? You know, you could choose to approach this differently. You could actually decide that every single day is vacation. If you intend for this to be so, it will be, but it requires you to...more
I have an incredible tool that I am so excited to share with you! It’s called The Yes Move, one of the tools I learned from Mama Gena in her mastery course.
This tool is based on the idea that in order to feel empowered in your life, you have to be able to accept “what is” first. Now, before you start arguing and running through all the situations that are absolutely unacceptable, let me finish. I am not saying you have to condone or approve of what is happening, I am just suggesting that if you can move into acceptance for whatever is happening, it’s going to be a whole lot easier to get through to the other side of it. The alternative is to resist or deny reality which only leaves you in a pickle. Whatever you deny or pretend is not happening will keep getting bigger until you deal with it. Whatever you resist persists, so it’s either going to escalate right now or you will be destined to repeat the whole situation over and over again.
Byron Katie says arguing with reality is insanity and she is right. You are not only wasting your time arguing about what...more
I want to talk about those times when everything seems to be stacked up against you. Nothing is going right and it’s just one thing after the next and you really feel so overwhelmed, you just want to quit.
I went through this in an intense way a few weekends ago, to the point of almost losing a friend in the process. She and I were like two different kinds of storms ready to collide.
It was my friend’s 50th birthday and you know how it is, especially for women around the 10-year marker. Because she is a very new friend, there were a lot of subtle hints around what she was needing that I missed completely. We both made some inaccurate assumptions which led to a perfect storm. We were both triggering each other and neither of us were communicating very well about it. On top of what was going on with me and my friend, there were other situations coming to a head that made me feel like I just wanted to run and hide. It all just kept piling up until the party. I think the party cracked the whole thing open and the storm seemed to begin to clear.
I woke up the next...more
Many of the clients who come to see me are craving empowerment. They don’t tend to call it empowerment, but more like a desire for more passion and inspiration, to feel more confident, to live a centered and balanced life. It shows up in many forms, but the common underlying theme is a desire to live an empowered life.
One of the big reasons we don’t tend to stand in our empowerment and OWN our lives, is that we are disembodied. We live in our heads instead of living in our whole bodies so we are cut off from where empowerment is actually sourced from. Empowerment comes from a place of being embodied. There is a deep feminine wisdom that can only be accessed through the body. When you are all wrapped up in your thoughts, trying to figure it all out, you are literally cut off from your body wisdom.
There is a huge movement right now on the planet that is calling us to heal the Divine Feminine within ourselves and on the planet. The access point is the body. We have to learn how to find our way back into our bodies so we can get in touch with our innate wisdom. It is...more
We recently talked about how important it is to celebrate yourself. I hope you have found a partner you can practice bragging with. The more you get comfortable celebrating yourself, the more you amplify your life. We do all kinds of things every day, big and small, that are brag worthy. If we don’t stop to acknowledge ourselves for it, life just goes right on by like it never happened. When you choose to celebrate it instead, you are affirming yourself and your life. Can you see how that action can turn your life on in the best possible way? It’s like offering yourself accolades everyday instead of falling into that same old pattern of beating yourself up, which gets you nowhere. It’s extra powerful to have a witness cheering you on, which is something I like to do with my clients, but you can also do it with a bragging buddy.
To continue this conversation, I want to talk about the importance of putting yourself first above everyone and everything else in your life. Yes, that’s right, even your children. There is a reason why the flight attendant will remind you on every...more
I just returned from Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts Mastery Course in New York with nine hundred other women all ages, all races, all sizes, all professions. Talk about powerful! Wow. And today I want to share one of the most powerful takeaways – the importance, as women, to celebrate ourselves and each other. We do not do enough of this! In fact, most of us were trained early on NOT to brag about ourselves. We were trained to keep it dialed down. Wouldn’t want to shine too brightly; wouldn’t want anyone to think we are full of ourselves. So we downplay our wins or we don’t share them at all. Instead, we ended up complaining about our lives, our partners, money problems, the struggles of life. This became how we connect with the women we are closest to. Or maybe we put on a pretty face and share how well things are going well when we don’t really feel that way. We pretend it’s all good, when it isn’t!
But when you celebrate yourself, you are owning your life and claiming your power. And when you do that for yourself, you become a beacon of light that ignites...more
So I was sitting with my eyes closed waiting to hear what this podcast was going to be about. I listen for higher guidance and I write what I hear. As something started to come through it sounded really familiar. I even thought, didn’t I just write about this and listened back a few episodes and discovered it. “Taking Aim” had a similar theme, so I listened to it. I now realize “Take Aim” came to me exactly when it did because it was preparing me for what I was about to do!
Every day I realize more about the synchronistic way all of life is constantly flowing around us, through us and for us. The more you pay attention to the synchronicities, the more they just keep happening. Pay close attention to anything that feels like a coincidence. It most definitely has a message you need to hear. This is happening for all of us all of the time, we just don’t always see it. In fact, you may not even know what this particular episode has for you, but I have a whole-hearted trust that you need to hear this story.
One month ago I took the leap and jumped off a...more
In any interaction, whether business or personal, most of us tend to have an agenda. Maybe it’s obvious, maybe it’s hidden. Unless you are enlightened, you’ll likely have a position and if you are anything like me, you might even believe that your perspective is the right one. Most of us show up to the table with our own opinions or beliefs, our own needs or desires that we want to get met. We show up with a full cup. It’s a rare individual who is able to consistently arrive in any given situation with a genuine curiosity to find out what is there that they don’t know yet. And the truth is, when you’re showing up with your cup already full, there is no room to add anything, right? No room for the cream. There is no room for growth, no room for movement. And when everyone shows up like this, it just leads to build up and stagnation because everyone is talking and no one is being heard. When you show up already full you are leaving no room for anything interesting to happen. No room for the miracle shift in perspective that opens everything up to a whole new...more
I have spent a lot of years studying and experimenting with manifesting my best life. I have found our limited minds cannot land us into the ultimate expression of what is possible. The mind is filled with limitations, blocks, stories of not being good enough etc. etc. etc. One of the benefits of age is that you start to get bored by those stories. You can choose to be limited by the rules your mind makes up… or you can decide otherwise. To hell with all the stories about how something can’t happen. I am way more interested in what’s possible when we get out of our own way.
So let’s just bypass the stories about not being smart enough, good enough, or about not knowing what you want, because that too is just a story that blocks the door to knowing. If you don’t yet know what you want, don’t let that be a show stopper. Instead, look at it as a window into possibility and ask to be guided. Perhaps you’re someone who doesn’t want to decide because you don’t want to narrow your options; isn’t not deciding also narrowing your options? Not committing to a direction...more
Let’s talk about a tendency many of us have to give most of our attention to the things that aren’t going our way and not enough attention to the things that are. A whole lot has to be going well for us to even be here in our lives … there is so much we take for granted. I know I have to catch myself when something stops going my way, something happens outside of my expectation, and it completely throws me off. Do you know what I mean?
The ancestral part of our brain is wired to protect us from danger. We have an innate programmed response to perceive danger and react to it. Fight or flight, locate the enemy and attack. But for many of us, the day to day dangers are rarely issues of survival, they are issues of perspective and how we respond is all important.
Taking personal responsibility is not an automatic response when something goes wrong in our lives. Rather, it’s a conscious response that involves a completely different part of the brain. Looking at negative situations in life objectively takes a tremendous amount of...more
My family spent the holidays in Mexico and the morning before we left, if I woke up really early I would have just enough time to record and upload a winter solstice episode. I was just so delighted with myself! For once, I recorded the whole thing without a glitch. Then I realized that for some reason, it didn’t record! And that initial moment was rough, I’m not gonna lie. But there was absolutely nothing I could do. I had to surrender and accept. So I did and so that, my friend, is exactly why you have not heard from me in a few weeks. I went on holiday.
And now I am back to talk about something really important that gets overlooked a lot - the importance of waiting.
On our return flight home from Mexico I was looking for something really light and fun to watch on the plane and chose the film “Christopher Robin.” Absolutely delightful. (Spoiler Alert) So there is this moment where Christopher Robin is delivering Pooh back to the Hundred Acre Wood. And they are at the opening in the tree and Pooh turns and says, “Aren’t you coming to help me find my...more
I have been looking deeper at my marriage lately and wondering… what can I do to make my marriage even better? How can I show up in such a way that allows the relationship to blossom in ways that I never could have imagined? I am aware enough at this point in the game to know that improving any situation in my life is up to me and me alone. I am the one who decides how deep my relationships, especially my marriage, can get. I can only control my own behavior and I am always holding the key in my pocket… whether or not I decide to use it. And I get really excited when I discover more ways to grow the relationship.
Now I am not saying my husband doesn’t have equal power….he does. But I don’t have control over his choices. Only mine. So here’s one of the things I find fascinating in the male/female relationship: even though I have known for a long time there is a drastic difference in how men and women think, my first inclination seems always to expect my husband to think like me. This is not fair at all. For one thing, the hormones that dominate how men and women...more
I recently had the opportunity to attend an Eckhart Tolle event in California with a good friend of mine. If you haven’t heard of him, he is a spiritual teacher born in Germany who experienced a spontaneous spiritual awakening that brought him out of a deep depression. He got to such a dark place in his mind that something snapped in his brain and he separated from his ego (the voice in the head). In an instant he went from being cornered by the voice in his head that was miserable and did not want to go on to being the observer of that voice. A much more peaceful place to be.
Since then he has written a number of books including two New York Times bestsellers “The Power of now” and “A New Earth”. The conference I attended included several amazing speakers from different professional backgrounds all speaking on “Presence”. Which is the exact topic of conversation for today’s episode!
I want to begin by giving you a taste of how sitting in the auditorium with Tolle felt. Because it was profound. I don’t know if you have ever been in the presence of an awakened...more
Many of the clients I work with come into coaching because they are struggling in their relationship or their marriage. And let’s face it, choosing to be in an intimate relationship with someone is signing up to be in the hot seat. You are choosing to live with a mirror that reflects where you still have to grow in your life. This can be intense.
Luckily it doesn’t start out that way or probably no one would ever sign up. Instead relationships begin with “the honeymoon phase” where your heart opens wide and all the good-feeling hormones are released. You are experiencing what love is. What expansion feels like. You open so much, you feel like anything is possible. Your new mate can do no wrong. You see them with love’s eyes. And love’s eyes don’t judge. Love’s eyes don’t see fault. What is happening here is that the other person is reflecting all the love inside of you and you are being filled up by it. Everything tastes good, smells good. You are more present and available. You actually hear the birds chirping and feel the breeze on your face. You have...more
One door closes another one opens
You may have noticed, if you have been listening to this podcast for awhile, that I tend to view life as a journey. I see everyone I meet and all my experiences as a part of my own unique curriculum. Looking at everything through the “Life is a Journey” lens gives me a sense of purpose, even if I don’t know where I am headed at that moment. And the truth is, none of us knows all the time where we are headed. But seeing life in this way I find it so much easier to keep moving forward, even when life gets tough. I like to think of it like I am the captain of my ship and it’s my job to show up and steer the ship no matter what. And the ocean is unpredictable, so you gotta take it as it comes. When a big storm comes along, you gotta roll with it. Resisting is futile. Cursing it only makes the whole experience harder for you. Same with life.
When life throws you an unexpected, unwanted, negative experience, it doesn’t help the situation to shake your fist in the air about it. Sure you can shake your fist. You can do whatever you want....more
How did I get here…Again?
Let’s talk about breaking bad habits or negative patterns. We all have them. Maybe it’s grabbing your phone to look at the news or facebook before you even get out of bed, when you really want to have a morning ritual. Or maybe it’s a more complicated pattern in your relationship where you are caught in a loop of not feeling appreciated and then you get more and more resentful which then just shuts your partner down because he feels attacked, when you really want to have a relationship of mutual appreciation and respect.
Whatever the habit might be, if the negative pattern is interfering with your ability to be happy then it’s time to address it. Because here is the deal: we are here in this life for a relatively short period of time and we are here to have an experience. So why not make it a positive experience? Are you with me? Now, I am not saying you should pretend everything is roses all the time. Nope. Real bad stuff happens in the world, and maybe even in your own home. That doesn’t mean you have to live or remain in that...more
Which do you choose
My regular readers know I reference “A Course in Miracles” quite a bit just as “the course”. There is a line in the course that says “your job isn’t to make your brother (or sister) wrong, but rather your job is to show them where he or she is getting it right”.
This is a big one for all of us to get right now on so many levels because when you hold to a belief that you are right and they are wrong, what are you doing at a fundamental level? You are building a wall, a separation. Whether you are discussing political issues or negotiating how your kid should be raised or any other issue, they all have the same fundamental risk of believing in a right and a wrong.
When you stand with conviction about how right you are, no matter how right you may be, you are not winning anyone over. Only in your wildest dreams will that person drop their own stance and say wow, you are so right! Think about how you feel when someone is trying to convince you of their point only by showing you how wrong you are. What’s your natural instinct? Unless you are...more
Keep on Going
In my last entry, “Wisdom”, we went over how to discern the difference between your inner wisdom and the fearful voice of the ego. We talked about the ego’s responsibility to keep you safe which it does by keeping you small, keeping you from doing anything that takes you out of your comfort zone, keeping you stuck in negative patterns that are safely familiar.
Choosing to allow your ego to drive your show is letting fear lead your life. And when you break this down to its most basic form, this choice doesn’t make sense. I hope you agree. Seriously, we need love more than ever and if fear is leading the show in your head, just think of the ripple effect.
This is why I am committed to this work, both for my own benefit and sharing it with you. When you choose to think with love instead of fear you are making an energetic shift that sends a ripple out into the world. You are changing the planet when you stop, take a breath and ask “what would love do here”.
When something negative happens to you and you choose to take a deep breath...more
Today I want to talk about how to know when to follow the direction your mind is leading you and when not to. Put another way, how to tell the difference between true wisdom and the fearful voice of the ego. This is a great question, because the ego can be really convincing. What it’s telling you can make perfect logical sense in the moment. But often, making a logical choice doesn’t necessarily move you toward the life that will bring you the most joy.
For instance, it could make logical sense to stay at a job that pays the bills and offers great health benefits for you and your family. But if that job is a grind you are dreading every day, then you are robbing yourself and your family from the joyful life you could be having if you decided to go after your dreams instead. Hold up – I am not suggesting you quit and just drop everything and run toward your dreams. Getting out of a grind is not that simple; we can talk more about that in another post (and we will!). But I am saying this: dreading your life is not living your life.
The most common regret...more
Last time, in the episode “money seeds” we talked about abundance and how your thoughts are one of the essential keys in creating the abundant life you want.
As I mentioned, the inspiration for this topic came directly from a survey I did recently to find out more about you and what gets in your way of living the life you want. One of the big answers was MONEY. By the way, if you had no idea this survey was happening, then you are probably not on my mailing list. So be sure to get yourself on that list by going to the contact page on my website https://thelifecoachingspot.com/
There are many directions we could take this topic that would help you get on the road to abundance and prosperity. I am actually in the process of creating a program that will include all the practices and mindset tools that I have accumulated over the years… but in the meantime, let’s get into it. Because I believe the more good people who have money in our culture, the better! Don’t you? And I think money has a bad rap.
If you are someone who judges people who have money,...more
Recently I put together a survey for my mailing list so I could to get to know you a little better – I want get a better sense of your personal goals and dreams. And I want to know more about what you believe gets in your way. One of the things that came up over and over again was money. Not having enough or fears around it.
I am excited to tackle this, because money was such a big block in my own life and not worrying about money all the time feels so freeing. The truth is, the money thing is much bigger than just money. We focus on the money, or lack thereof, when what we really want is an abundant life, which includes money, but is so much more than that!
So let’s talk about what it means to live an abundant life and how to get there, shall we? But before we can really get into this, we need a little contrast. Let’s first talk a little bit about what living an abundant life isn’t.
I believe I’ve shared before that I used to live in a constant state of fear and anxiety. If I haven’t, well, I there you go. I did. Only, I didn’t realize it. Because...more
Some time ago a friend came by who was struggling in her marriage. She was frustrated that her husband doesn’t make her happy. She and I are really good friends and are committed to reflecting truth back to one another… So, my question for her was, “Is that really his job?”
I believe our culture encourages this thinking of looking outside the self for someone else or something else to make us happy. I would like to consider the possibility that the very idea of this is backward thinking. We are being sent on a wild goose chase. A Course in Miracles tells us the mission of the ego is “Seek and do not find”. Yeah, wild goose chase. This is not new information. Marketing exploits this idea based on the premise that you are not enough …. if you buy this thing, then you will be okay. You’re not enough just as you are. It’s easy to sell the pursuit of happiness to those who feel they can’t find happiness themselves. And yet, does that pursuit ever really make you happy?
After my second marriage of almost 10 years, I took a long break from relationship. I...more
We’ve been talking a lot lately about expansion and growth and I want to keep heading in that direction. There are so many ways we get in our own way.
Whenever you do anything new, your mind is going to pull out all the reasons why you shouldn’t do it. We’ve talked about this before. That ancestral part of your brain is trying to keep you safe by convincing you to stay in familiar territory – because there could be Lions and tigers and bears outside of whatever familiar bubble you have lived in for so long. Change feels risky, like you are risking your safety, or even your life.
And it’s not just your own fearful mind you have to contend with when you are trying to make a change. It can also be everyone you know. Your family, friends and co-workers will have their own opinions about what you are doing and the changes you are trying to make.
Have you ever had an experience where you had an idea for stepping your life up in some way, and then you told a friend or a family member and their response took all the wind out of your sails? This happens all the...more
When you think about expanding and growing into your best life, what comes up for you? Are you thinking “YES! Woohoo! That is exactly what I want!” or does fear come up instead and shut you down? Thoughts like “I don’t even know what that looks like” or “I don’t even know how” or “who am I to think I can expand”… Any of those sound familiar?
No matter how you feel about expanding into your best life (excited or terrified), change and growth doesn’t come easy. Even if you really want to grow and transform, the transformation process itself can be quite uncomfortable. Because there is this inevitable awkward in-between stage that happens as you step out of who you were and before you have fully integrated into who you are becoming.
And that “in-between” period….THAT’S what I want to talk about.
Just as an example, think about the last time you started a new job. At first it’s awkward and you don’t know what you are doing or what will really be expected of you. There are a lot of unknowns, so you have to fumble through it. (It’s UNCOMFORTABLE) But sure...more
Today I want to continue the conversation from last week that stemmed from the questions around how you even think about expanding and adding more into your life when you already feel your current life is over full and there’s too much going on.
Why do I want to keep talking about this? Because my goal is to offer you the opportunity to move into your best life.
Now, maybe you aren’t quite ready for this today…that’s okay...but keep this one in your back pocket because this is the good stuff right here on how to prosper where you are planted, how to plant your seeds in fertile ground, my friend.
Last week we talked about saying “no” to new things that come along that are not in alignment with your path. But what about the things you already have going on that might be cluttering your mind and your life? If you are a people pleaser, like me, there may be things you have been doing in your life for so long that you don’t even think about them anymore because by now they are habits…. Actions and ways of being that if you really were to consider how much they...more
Today’s topic comes from some questions I received in The Life Coaching Spot private Facebook group: “How can I think of expanding and taking on more when my life is already so full?” I love this emotion because it’s so true. If you already feel overloaded, then the thought of expanding and taking on more sounds exhausting!
To be honest, I used to be quite the people pleaser. Basically, I wanted people to like me, so I went out of my way to please others. This tendency was the primary reason for much of the stress in my life. Let’s face it, it’s stressful to feel like your job is to make everyone else happy. The truth that I learned much later in life is that it’s not my job to make everyone else happy.
So the first thing I did to turn my whole life around was to begin to say “NO”. I did this out of necessity because things had gotten so far out of hand I literally HAD to start saying no because I just couldn’t do any more. This was very hard for me to do at first because it meant I was going to disappoint people. But I did it anyway. And the thing I noticed...more
Have you ever had something great happen in your life and then suddenly turn bad? Or had an experience that started out with excitement, but turned into something else? Something like a fight with your partner or getting really sick – something that just sabotages the excitement? Today I want to talk about upper limiting. This is a concept that comes from the book “The Big Leap” by Gaye Hendrix. If you have not had the chance to pick up this book, I highly recommend it!
The idea is that we each have an upper limit that we have unintentionally set for ourselves for how much joy, love, success and abundance we will allow ourselves to experience. Once we hit that invisible ceiling, instead of just breaking through, we will inevitably do something to sabotage the experience to keep us safe within the bounds of the limit that we have created for ourselves.
For instance, let’s say you were someone who believes, for whatever reason, that you just don’t deserve to be happy. If something really wonderful came along for you that would bring you great joy, you might...more
That Voice in your Head
In the last episode, Let them off the hook, I introduced the concept of clean pain and dirty pain. This distinction comes from ACT or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. The founder, Steven Hayes, explains clean pain as the natural pain response you have as a direct result of the experience. For instance, the immediate pain you feel if you cut your finger or the pain you feel when you lose someone you love. Dirty pain comes from the story that the voice in your head tells you about the experience. It says things like: “I’m never going to love again,” or “I’ll be lonely forever,” or “How could they do this to me,” or “There must be something wrong with me.”
The Buddha made the distinction between pain and suffering, saying pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice.
And most people don’t realize they have a choice.
The dirty pain keeps you stuck in negative patterns. Think about it. From the outside, you can’t understand why your friend would stay in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship. If they were just dealing...more
Cathy Walker CLC
Back in the early 1990’s I was one of the caretakers at a spiritual retreat center in the mountains of northern New Mexico. If only I could paint a picture for you that captured the essence of what that was like to live in the woods on a mountain that overlooked the Rio Grande with only the sounds of nature combined with meditation bells. So lovely.
Spiritual teachers from different paths would come and lead retreats where we would immerse ourselves into one tradition for a week or more. I remember a ten day Buddhist vipassana meditation retreat. The retreat was all in silence except for one hour in the evening we would gather and listen to the teachings of the tradition in what was called a dharma talk (which is basically a Buddhist sermon) by the presenter, Jack Kornfield. After being in total silence all day, hearing a voice was quite powerful.
So, I remember him saying “people are always wanting what they don’t have. Why not want what you have. It’s so much easier.” I love this on so many levels. When you really think about it, that short statement is...more
Is there somebody in your life you are mad at for something you feel like you cannot get over? Or perhaps someone you feel did something to you and you just cannot find it within yourself to forgive them for it? Maybe you pushed them to the very back of your mind. But still, if you caught a glimpse of them at the grocery store, you would choose another aisle and hope they didn’t see you? Or maybe this someone in your life is someone closer to you, like a family member or an ex-husband? The one that popped into your head as you were reading this, that’s the one.
Maybe you want to say, “no way, I am not granting them the grace of forgiveness. Surely, they are an exception. You have no idea what this person did to me.” That is definitely the one I’m talking about, my friend. And I am going to tell you exactly why this very person is the one you need to let off the hook as soon as humanly possible.
I would like to share a story about a recent experience I had with this. I had a friend who I’ll call Maria. Maria and I were really close for several years and our...more
Cathy Walker, CLC
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine the other evening about attention. What a beautiful gift you are giving when you offer another person your undivided attention. John Tarrant Roshi says, “Attention is the most basic form of love”. We all need attention, and we are not getting it.
In fact, I would say that as a society, we are starved for attention. Everyone is talking, no one is listening. We are in a vicious cycle – we are all needing to be heard, which could be translated as, we are all needing to be loved, but because no one is deeply listening, no one feels heard, so their need to be heard increases. So the question becomes, are you willing to be the one to break the cycle? By being the one who is actually listening? And by listening, I don’t mean be quiet long enough for the other person to finish while you carefully construct your contribution to the topic. Nope. I don’t mean that.
I love Roshi’s definition of attention being the most basic form of love, especially when I’m thinking about how each of us can be the one to...more
This one is for my clients who like to dive into the deeper stuff. In this post, we are going to get into the God thing. Maybe you refer to it as the universe, spirit, higher self…whatever you like to call it, I use them all… we are going there.
The way I see it, there are two ways to walk through this world. You are either in the driver’s seat or you are the vehicle that is being driven. Most of us try to sit in the driver’s seat 100% of the time. And you are probably thinking, yes, that is exactly where I want to be. I want to be in control of my life. If I am not in the driver’s seat of my life, nothing is going to happen, I will end up a bag lady and then my life is going to be over…something like that.
But let’s take a closer look at what it really means to be in the driver’s seat. First of all, it’s a lot of pressure. If you are the driver, you are responsible for this whole thing. Your life, I mean. If you think about it like that, NO WONDER people are walking around with anxiety!
When you are in the driver’s seat, it...more
This is one of my favorite topics. My team is team Cathy. And I am the leader of my team. So if I am not being on team Cathy, no one else is either…
So you know when life seems to be throwing you all the curve balls? Everything seems to be a hurdle? It’s that day when no one is helpful and every traffic light is RED! It doesn’t stop there though, right? Cars are pulling out in front of you. You seem to be in everyone’s way? It’s just everything all at once! Maybe a friend needs to have a talk with you…. Just all the things..
You know what I am talking about! it’s a crap day and it just seems to be escalating to no end. Well even though it may look like everything is lined up against you, I want to propose that it is just not the case. Just consider that it might just be you that it is actually you that is against you. You may not actually be on your own team.
And this is really good news, right? Because if it were true that there were some ominous all-pervading universe that is stacked up against you, you are basically screwed. Because what can you...more